Yesterday was the most frightening day of my life. Cameron and I went for Bo's weekly check up. It started as a normal day. At lunchtime, I left work and came home to meet Cameron. He drove us up to the doctor. I felt tired, but otherwise not bad considering that whole pregnancy thing. The nurse weighed me and sat me down to take my blood pressure. The look on her face panicked me. She instructed me to go into the exam room and lie on my left side and wait for the doctor.
It wasn't my life that flashed before my eyes as I laid there - it was the last 9 months. It was all the people who told me to take it easy and all the times that I rolled my eyes. It was the stubborn way that I had screamed at my husband that I am pregnant - not an invalid, thankyouverymuch! I prayed for this baby like I had never prayed for anyone in my life. I couldn't find the words to express my fears, and I don't think that I would have even been able to pray them if I could find them. Have you ever been so terrified of something that speaking about it makes it too real? That's where I was.
The doctor came in and explained to us that based on my blood pressure, she was sending us to the hospital for blood work and monitoring. She explained the dangers of high blood pressure and pregnancy. She said words like seizure and stroke. She told us that based on the results of the tests, things could progress in a couple of ways. They'd do blood work and an ultrasound. Based on the results, they could possibly go ahead and induce labor.
I knew that I had done this. I looked at Cameron, knowing that he had told me so. He had informed me thusly. I knew that he had every right to be angry with me. He just looked scared. Our doctor was fantastic. It was like she knew everything. It was as if she had lived our situation. She told us that she had thought during pregnancy that she could do it all. She told us how angry she had been at her husband when he insisted that she slow down. She told us that this is hard and would be hard and when it was all said and done, we'd love each other more than we ever thought possible. I believe her.
Cameron drove me to the ER. I was admitted to the triage room in the labor and delivery wing. My blood pressure was still way way too high. After 10 minutes on my left side, it came down significantly. They drew blood for labs and asked for a urine sample. I was horrified to realize that the couple of minutes and the small amount of effort it took for me to go to the bathroom was enough to spike my blood pressure to a frightening degree.
I took my first wheelchair ride down to the ultrasound lab. Baby Bo got all 8 points on his BPP, and we took solace in that. The ultrasound tech estimated Bo's weight at 8 pounds and 4 ounces. He was moving and shaking in his normal squirmy way. They wheeled us back up to triage and I was put back in the bed. Cameron and I shamelessly eavesdropped on the nurse as she consulted with two of the doctors from our practice. She told them that ALL of my labs had come back normal. My blood pressure was still elevated, but I was otherwise healthy.
I was discharged with instructions to return in 24 hours. I've been off my feet now for over 12 hours. Bedrest for a pregnant woman who has to pee every hour or so is difficult to wrap my head around, but I understand that this is imperative. I knew that being a parent would change things. I knew that my son would teach me things. I just didn't know that it would start so early. I'm learning to swallow my pride. I'm learning to ask for help. I'm learning what it really means to love someone else more than myself.