Monday, December 17, 2012

The only thing I'll say.

I spent the weekend avoiding the news.  Except to post exceptionally cute photos of my little family, I stayed away from social media.  I know that people want to talk about tragedy.  They reach out to one another for comfort and to try to make sense of it all.  I don't blame anyone for coping in whatever way they need to.  I, for one, don't want to see the photos.  I don't want to rehash it and know every detail.

If I start down that rabbit hole, I don't know where I'll come out.  If I began to indulge in the "what if's", there is a very real chance that I wouldn't drag myself out of bed for a week.  I'm kind of sensitive that way.  I use humor and avoidance to deflect the realness of situations that have the potential to cripple me.

When I was in 11th grade, I heard about a school shooting.  It happened in Georgia, and it came on the heels of another shooting that happened farther away.  The school in Georgia was Heritage High School, and I knew a kid there.  The shooting happened in the morning, and because we lived in a time before every high school student had a cell phone, I had to wait.  I waited all day long.  I wondered.  I had NO details, and I was terrified.

It was later in the evening when I finally got to talk to him - to hear his voice.  I broke down and cried for the first time that day.  I never watched any of the news from that day.  I never wanted any more information about that awful day.  This morning as I prayed for the victims and their families in Connecticut, I thanked God again for protecting my friend all those years ago.  I can't bring myself to think about where I'd be if it had gone differently because 12 years after it happened, I finally got around to marrying that guy.

My prayers today are not just for the families in Connecticut, but for everyone who had to send a child to school today.  My prayers are for the teachers who will be on edge all day today.  My prayers are for all the children who are too young to have to know exactly how much evil is in this world.

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